We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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