careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
