its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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