it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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