we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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