If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
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Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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