Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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