I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize