I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
