You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
