From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
