Why are handjobs necessary in class?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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