I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
