i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
