A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
