You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you had me at cake vodka
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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