I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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