the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
