I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
