I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
