Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
