Are we in a gay sports bar?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
