When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I faked an abortion last night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
