just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
