I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
the liver wants what the liver wants
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
