is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
