oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
