awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
