Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
