billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
