You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
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According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
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Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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