I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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