after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
