Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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