best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
