I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
