i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
