I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
