Your face is a jimmy john
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
