Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
