she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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