Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
