dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize