and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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