You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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