Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
MIDGETS
????
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
