How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
