Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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