when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
