I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
They are going to name an STD after you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
