Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
