While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
