shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
