I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
