I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
