we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
