You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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