Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
