2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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