Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize