my vag is so smooth its legendary
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
